Alright, alright. If I had hands, I'd applaud the new leaf you're turning over. Go ahead and get yourself ready for work. You got up so early, you've got plenty of time, so take it easy!\n\n[[Huh, you're right. Maybe I'll spend the extra time sleeping!|Screw you, I'm going back to sleep]]\n\n[[I shall, good sir!|Proactive]]\n
What do you mean?\n\n[[I mean, I want you forcibly removed from my mental state and squashed like a bug on the side of the road!|Response]]\n\n[[I mean, your existence in my head is clearly a sign of mental disability, and I rather value my terribly mundane state of mind|Response]]\n\n[[I mean, I intend to commit bodily injury to myself in an effort to get rid of you|Response]]\n\n[[I mean, I hate you|Response]]\n\n[[Never mind, I'll tell you later|Response]]\n
Well, this is nearly unprecedented. You getting up the first time the alarm goes off and getting ready for your dead-end job?\n\n[[Good point, I'll sleep another few minutes|SNOOZE!]]\n\n[[I'm feeling proactive today. Don't ruin it with your snide comments!|Snide]]\n
Oh, did I not get around to mentioning all those things? Man, I'm really off my game today. Must have something to do with my environment. Let me see if I can't find my notes so we can catch up on all my criticisms.\n\n[[No no, that's alright. I'll just go about my day now|Next steps]]\n
I'll let you keep thinking that. Even though I'M your inner monologue, so what you're thinking isn't actually that. Anyway, let's get back to work.\n\n[[Alright, but my blacksmith skill is rubbish|Keep working]]\n
I'm your inner monologue, not your insight! Jeez, here I am trying to be super helpful to you today, and all you can do is moan!\n\n[[Fine, fine, can we just see about fixing the car now?|Under the hood]]\n\n[[Screw this, I'm going back to bed|Bug off!]]\n\n
How was your day?
What are you talking about? I've been nothing but helpful to you all morning! It's not my fault that you can't be expected to recognize my very subtle suggestions about your weight and looks. Jeez, if you would just listen a bit more carefully, maybe you wouldn't have such bad luck with the ladies!\n\n[[Wait, what's wrong with my looks?|Caught]]\n\n[[Oh, I see. I get to spend the rest of the day with you!|Next steps]]\n
You wake up on a typical [[Tuesday]] morning. \n----\nWork starts at 8:00 AM, so you might want to start getting ready.\n\n[[SNOOZE!]]\n\n[[Get up]]
No way, stop! If you do that, you'll lose yet another job because of pure, unadulterated laziness.\n\n[[My decision is final. Go away, I'm going to bed|Bug off!]]\n\n[[I suppose I need money to sustain my other vices. Fine, let's go|The Car]]\n
Uh, I suppose. I wouldn't necessarily consider sleep a "worthwhile" use of your time, though. Wouldn't you rather make something? Or maybe help an old woman across the street? Maybe learn how to play an instrument?\n\n[[Sleep is worthwhile. Sleep good.|Sleep on the way]]
Interesting, we're actually leaving at a relatively sane time! Let's head out and get driving to work, eh?\n\n[[Now where did I put my keys? Maybe I left them in bed?|Plotting on Time]]\n\n[[Let's DO this!|The Car]]\n
Do you think that's a good idea? I mean, before you know it, that stupid ringtone will be playing in your ear and you'll have to go through this all over again.\n\n[[Zzzzzz...|SNOOZE!...AGAIN]]\n\n[[A good point, I'll stretch instead|Stretch!]]
Yeah, and it shows. You do realize there's a hole in your roof, right?\n\n[[It gives the car character!|Ugly]]\n\n[[I don't have time for this, let's get going|Start the Car]]\n
Dear Lord, give me strength!\n\n[[You know you liked it|Start to Work]]\n
Hold on a second, you just barely got yourself out of bed. You're going to be late to work as it is. You can't go back to sleep!\n\n[[Sleep sounds like a great idea! I'm doing it!|Sneaking Back]]\n\n[[Foiled! Fine, let's go.|The Car]]\n
No, you can't sleep another 5 minutes. You're going to be late as it is!\n\n[[Forget the job, I'm sleeping another 5 minutes|Screw work]]\n\n[[Oh fine|Totally worth it]]\n
What?! You've left a half-gallon of sour milk sit in the fridge for a week? Why haven't you at least poured it down the sink? What, did you decide that SLEEPING was more important?\n\n[[Wait, have you been spying on me?|Spy]]\n\n[[Hush! I don't need a disembodied Nanny.]]
Good luck with that sleeping thing!\nYou eventually lose your job due to perpetual attendance issues, lose your house and friends, and die a lonely death in a gutter because you couldn't be bothered to roll out of bed. Good job!\n\nTHE END!\n(Time to Restart)
Whatever you say, emo kid. Let's just shut up and see about getting ourselves to work, eh?\n\n[[Finally something we can agree on|Under the hood]]\n
I mean...it's not like you CAN'T sleep now... you don't have to go to work or anything.\n\n[[That settles it. Sleep it is|Sleep it is!]]\n
Seriously, who doesn't know what Monday is? It's the bane of all adult-life, the reason people go drinking on [[Saturday]].\n\n[[I sleep a few more minutes on Mondays, too|SNOOZE!]]\n\n[[Maybe if I go to work now, I'll get to Saturday faster...|Get up]]\n
As long as you don't kill yourself by neglecting to use the bathroom, I think I can cope.\n\n[[You're too kind|Keep working]]\n
If by "character", you mean a serious case of the Ugly, then I agree. One way or another, I'm sure having rain drop directly on your head will be a major boost to your "cool status".\n\n[[I'm the DEFINITION of cool|TooCool]]\n\n[[You have no sense of taste|Start the Car]]\n
Whatever.\n\nWe can't do anything with a dead battery, let's take it back inside and charge it up. If it doesn't work after that, we're destined for the streets!\n\n[[Sounds like a plan!|Future work]]\n
Hold on a second, you were doing so well before! If you go back to bed now, you'll be late to work. You can't do that.\n\n[[Foiled! Let's go|The Car]]\n\n[[I don't care! I need my beauty rest!|Sneaking Back]]\n
Actually, you can do whatever you want today. There's a whole pile of unexpectedly free hours you can spend on any number of worth-while activities!\n\n[[You mean...like sleeping?|Sleep in sight!]]
You've been playing WAY too much Skyrim.\n\n[[No such thing!|InsideGeek]]\n\n[[And I will continue to play until I take an arrow to the knee|AnnoyingGeek]]\n\n[[You might be right|Keep working]]\n
I knew it, you're nothing but a hippie pinhead!\n\n[[Chill out, bro! Let's, like, go work for the MAN, man.|Start the Car]]\n
You're not fired? I would have bet my life on him firing you for this! You must be having a lucky day. A bit of grace from above!\n\n[[Yeah, cause I'm certainly not getting any help from within|Fight]]\n\n[[Maybe, but what do I do now?|Next steps]]\n
3:00 PM on Thursday. Why?\n\n[[Nothing, let's just go to work|Start the Car]]\n
Hey, you're welcome, buddy! You know, since I've been so generously helpful today, I might suggest that you call in before it's too late to save your job.\n\n[[Not a bad idea, for once|Calling]]\n\n[[I'm done, I'll just go back in and sleep this ordeal away|Bug off!]]\n
I'd hardly call what I do "haunting". I'm just your inner monologue. But if I COULD jump minds to someone with a nicer car, believe me, I would.\n\n[[When was my appointment with the therapist, again?|Therapist]]\n\n[[Going to work should shut you up!|Start the Car]]
Hey, don't look at m-\n\n-Ring Ring-\n\nHey, sounds like your phone is ringing!\n\n[[Answer it]]
A wise choice, if I do say so myself. Your day will be exponentially better if you take just 5 more minutes to rouse yourself from your sleep.\n\n[[Screw you, I'm going back to sleep]]\n\n[[Stretch!]]
Polar Bears don't have wallets! Anyway, if you intend to get ANY money, you better get your butt out of bed and go to work.\n\n[[Not biting. I'm going back to bed!|Bug off!]]\n\n[[Fair enough, I'll get up now|Totally worth it]]\n
Well, here we are at your car...kind of a beater, isn't it?\n\n[[Hey, lay off. It only cost a few hundred bucks!|Car Defend]]\n\n[[If you don't like it, go haunt someone with money|Haunting]]
You barely have enough time to get the blood flowing through your legs again before the alarm chimes at you. It's that same, stupid ringtone you've been meaning to change, but haven't taken the time.\n----\nYou now have 5 fewer minutes to get ready. I suggest you actually get out of bed this time.\n\n[[SNOOZE!...AGAIN]]\n\n[[Get up now]]
Would you stop stalling? You're going to be late for work.\n\n[[Nah, I've got too much to think about now. I'm going to sleep on it. ALONE!|Back to Bed]]\n\n[[Alright, alright. But we're going to settle this spying thing later!|At least I'm up, right?]]\n
See how you're rushing around, frantically combing your hair and shaving your cheeks? Notice how you're throwing on your clothes and expending the token energy you obtained by delaying these chores?\n\nMaybe if you had listened to me, you would've had time for some Marshmallow Mateys, at the very least!\n\n[[At least I'm up, right?]]\n\n[[You're making a very convincing case for me to go back to bed|Back to Bed]]\n\n[[I wouldn't have been able to, anyway. The milk's been bad for a week|Sour Milk]]
Oh really? Do you take eating an entire gallon of rocky road ice-cream, moistened slightly with your defeated tears, while blasting Tool songs in the background as "handling it fine"?\n\n[[I didn't see you helping me out any!|Offensive]]\n\n[[Wow, that's cold man...and don't knock good music!|Soon Under the Hood]]
Otherwise known as "Hump Day", and not in a dirty way.\n\n...Hey, that rhymes!\n\n[[Brilliant, but I'm still going back to sleep|SNOOZE!]]\n\n[[Daww, you got me all excited. Now I have to get up.|Get up]]\n
You've got just enough time to get yourself all cleaned up and fed before you have to leave. No time for delay!\n\n[[Ugh, screw this rush, I'm going back to sleep...|SNOOZE!...AGAIN]]\n\n[[Just like every other day|Breakfast]]
You drive a Saab, man. At best, that makes you a hippie!\n\n[[Where on earth did you get that?|Confusion]]\n\n[[You don't know what you're talking about! This thing's rock solid! Look, I'll show you.|Start the Car]]\n\n[[What's with all the harsh vibes, maaan?|Pinhead]]\n
That's gotta be the most reckless decision you've ever made. Even worse than that time you tried to have a arm-wrestling match with that polar bear at the zoo.\n\n[[My decision is final. Go away, I'm sleeping|Bug off!]]\n\n[[Oh yeah, that bear still owes me money!|No Wallets]]\n
Fine, throw your life away. I'm going to go find someone who can actually function in modern society.\n\n[[Good Riddance]]
(After a half hour charge and another failed attempt at starting the car...)\n----\nWhelp, I'll start working on my hobo beard!\n\n[[Yeah, nothing's working! What gives?|Incoming Call]]\n\n[[I'm sure it's all your fault, anyway. Why don't you know more about cars?!|Incoming Call]]\n
Now I don't know that much about cars, but this entire engine looks normal. And by "I", I mean "you". And by "normal", I mean, exactly as I imagine it would. Filthy and completely incomprehensible.\n\n[[I wonder if I can make this car run you over|Threats]]\n\n[[I know more than I think. I can check the electrical systems first|Diagnose]]\n\n[[You're right, I'm not bothering with this. I'm going back to bed|Bug off!]]\n
Tuesday
Everybody knows that anybody who drives a Saab is a hippie! Don't you know anything about this country's history?\n\n[[I don't want to get into politics with you. Let's just go to work|Start the Car]]\n\n[[Woah, why so bummed out, maan?|Pinhead]]\n
Now this is just ridiculous. You'll barely have enough time to go back to sleep before the 8-bit Mamba starts playing again. Why not reconsider and just get out of bed. It's like taking off a band-aid, it's best to do it quick and get it over with.\n\n[[Screw you, I'm sleeping another 5 minutes]]\n\n[[Oh, fine, I'll get up|Get up now]]\n
"Hey, yeah, it's me...Yeah, I just wanted to let you know my car won't start today...No problem, I'll keep at it and get in as quickly as I can."\n----\nHuh, that went smoothly. Amazing! How did you pull that off?\n\n[[By being polite and professional. Maybe you should take notes!|Keep working]]\n\n[[My Speech skill is at 76!|Geek]]\n\n
Amazing. Not only is your head in as presentable shape as it could possibly be, but you went the extra step and made yourself pancakes!\n\n[[You want some?|No Mouth]]\n\n[[Yup, and now I'm all set to leave!|Leave on time]]\n
Okay, so you've determined that electricity is flowing, but even after recharging it, you've managed to drain your battery once again. Congratulations.\n\n[[Thanks for the vote of confidence|Better Call]]\n\n[[Whatever, man. I just gotta call work to let them know I'll be late|Calling]]
Don't be ridiculous, why would I, your inner monologue, ever want to sit and watch you as you sleep?\n\n[[That's downright creepy, man. You've got a problem!]]\n\n[[Ugh, I'm more inclined to go to work than continue this conversation|At least I'm up, right?]]\n
Nope, that sounds even more pathetic than it did the last time. You might have actually drained the battery doing that.\n\n[[*Grumble*|Under the hood]]\n\n[[That's it, I'm going back to bed|Bed Inside]]
Fair enough. Now that you've got your uniform on, your head-region presentable, it's time to actually DRIVE to your job.\n\n[[Now where did I put my keys? Maybe I left them in bed?|Plotting]]\n\n[[Oh joy.|The Car]]\n
Hey hey, look at that. Your super-economic car won't start! Maybe if you had listened to me a few months ago and got that loan for a car your ancestors DIDN'T float across the ocean with, we wouldn't be in this position!\n\n[[Shut up, I just didn't crank it long enough|Try again]]\n\n[[Huh, doesn't sound like I'm getting any fuel|Under the hood]]\n\n[[I'm contemplating a spontaneous session of amateur neurosurgery|Threats]]
Hold on a second, you just barely got yourself out of bed. You're going to be late to work as it is. You can't go back to sleep!\n\n[[Sleep sounds like a great idea! I'm doing it!|Sneaking Back]]\n\n[[The hush!|The Car]]\n
Pff... fine. You finally got what you wanted this whole time, didn't you? I hope you're happy!\n\n[[Immensely. Now shut up...zzzz|End!]]\n
You know, the day after a [[Monday]], but before a [[Wednesday]]. It happens every 7 days, you know.\n\n[[Oh right. I'm going back to sleep|SNOOZE!]]\n\n[[Guess I have to go to work today, huh?|Get up]]
Dude, you've got some seriously messed up issues. You do realize you're insulting your own mind, right?\n\n[[Don't remind me, let's just get back to fixing the car|Under the hood]]\n
I hate Tuesdays....\n\n\nTHE END!\n(No, really. It's over)
"Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm not having any luck...I'm not sure what's going on, it just won't start...Oh...Okay...sure thing...bye"\n\nSo? What did he say? Are you sacked?\n\n[[He said to take the day off and don't worry about it|Incredulous]]\n
Hey, I can't be blamed for being physically disadvantaged. If you would just listen to my wise counsel, you wouldn't find yourself in trouble all the time. Remember your last, ill-fated place of employment? MMmmmmmm?\n\n[[Ugh. don't remind me. I'll get to work if you promise not to pester me about milk|At least I'm up, right?]]\n
That's just mean. You know I don't have a mouth.\n\n[[Right, sorry. Off to work then!|Leave on time]]\n\n[[Then how can you be so loud and obnoxious?|Annoying]]\n
Woah woah woah! I'm trying to be helpful here. Look, I don't want to deal with you post-employed again, that was just painful. Let's just figure this thing out so we can go about our little life.\n\n[[Huh, you sound almost reasonable|Under the hood]]\n\n[[What do you mean, post-employed? I handled that fine!|Defend Self]]\n\n[[Forget it, I'd just be wasting valuable sleeping time|Bug off!]]\n\n
Fine, suit yourself...\n----\nThe 8-Bit Mamba is playing again, and you've now sacrificed your breakfast for a measly 5 minutes of sleep. Good job.\n\n[[SNOOZE, I SAY!]]\n\n[[It was totally worth it|Totally worth it]]\n
Ben Danielsen
How are you enjoying your Marshmallow Mateys? They're so full of bright colors and sugar, I'm sure small children and girls would be so proud of your sensible choice in morning meals.\n\n[[Jealous much?|No Mouth]]\n\n[[Did you say something? Oh, nevermind, it's time to head to work.|Leave on time]]
I AM NOT LOUD!\n\n[[If you say so!|Leave on time]]\n
If you really don't know what Saturday is, you should really re-evaluate your life. It obviously sucks.\n\n[[True. That's why I get all the sleep I can|SNOOZE!]]\n\n[[What a horrible thought. Better get up|Get up]]
